Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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