R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
