I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
