She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
