just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
