He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
