so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
