So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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