I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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