I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
