Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize