i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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