My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
