He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
