I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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