You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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