with your own penis?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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