11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
