im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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