When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
