bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
