did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
