Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
