We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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