White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
