you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
40s are totally the cure
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
