I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
