Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize