Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
