is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
