I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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