I'm drive I can fine osifer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
