You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
