I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
