we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize