I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My feet surprised me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
