I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
