A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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