Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
