maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
