Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
pray to the hookup gods
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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