I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
