Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
