I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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