im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize