i permit you to call me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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