the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
