Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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