But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
