I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize