Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
