I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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