you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
