I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
