I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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