Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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