1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
