I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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