not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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