if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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