He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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