i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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