we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
