Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
