I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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