Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
