Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
