Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Houston, we have a blender
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
