I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
