Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
