His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
