His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
