My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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