Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
