I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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